How To Survive A Chick Flick

 Okay guy's if you've been in any kind of relationship that's lasted more then a day, you know all about chick flicks. Those sappy romance filled movies that make the girls weep because Stewart is secretly in love with Kristeen but doesn't know how to express his feelings...........you know that kinda crap.

And let's be honest here if your going to watch a chick flick it's not because you truly want to. Nope it's all about those coveted brownie points us men collect to redeem on our screw ups, you know like the time you forgot to take out the garbage kinda things. We collect them kinda like a shopper at Safeway collects air-miles points when they buy groceries, in the hopes that enough of them will earn us something.

So anyways back to chick flicks, it doesn't matter if your at home watching them, or at a movie theater. It doesn't matter how much they cost you're going to have to see one at some point in the relationship, but regardless you need to find a coping mechanism. Let's face it chick flicks drive us bonkers with boredom, there are so many other things we could do in that time like play Guitar Hero, or watch Star Wars for example.

Now then you need to figure out a way to get through these movies so you don't go insane. There are a few methods like frequent bathroom breaks, and falling asleep that may work from time to time. But this is no solid guarantee every time, getting smacked in the head with the TV remote is not something you really want. So here are some useful tips that I've used over the years to not only survive a chick flick but survive it in style.

Like the Samurai of feudal Japan, the wise warrior never goes to battle without his sword. If the weather permits wear a coat with deep pockets, this will allow you to carry a vast array of tools to keep you from losing your mind. I personally recommend bringing an Ipod Shuffle, this version has no bright LCD screen making it ideal for a movie theater environment. Simply put one earphone in the ear that's farthest away from your date, tuck away the other in a pocket, sit back and just enjoy the melodies. After all music soothes even the savage beast.

 If Adam Sandler has taught me anything, it's the "Happy Place" a magical land of chocolate where everything is perfect. This will require a strong imagination to pull off. What you need to do is once the movies starts to roll, simply let your mind wander off to things you enjoy. For example if you enjoy pizza and sports cars let your mind wonder to that thought. Concentrate on that thought until it's all your thinking about. Pretty soon the movie will be over and you'll wonder where the time went, saving you the mind numbing experience of having to watch the movie.

 A couple of days ago I had to go see the new Twilight movie, and let me tell you guys if you haven't seen this one yet be forewarned it sucks big time. I won't bore you with it's story but I will tell you it's packed so full of tween romance junk it'll make you physically ill watching it. How I survived it however was to re-imagine how the movie played out. This one requires a very strong imagination and lots of practice to achieve, but it can be done.

What I did was when the movie got to a really sappy part instead of seeing that particular sappy scene, I would envision something else. For example when two of the main characters in Twilight were in the woods talking about sappy crap, I would imagine an F-4 Phantom coming in fast over the trees and dropping napalm on their position. The main character who had the affection and attention of every teenage girl in the theater would be enveloped in the flames and explosions, while his love interest screamed in terror, then mounted an AA gun (Anti Aircraft) and using some witty Arnold Esq one liners proceed to shoot down the jet, all to the sound of AC-DC's Thunderstruck............Now doesn't this sound much better guys. 

This will come in handy if you want to try to catch up on some sleep during the movie, especially if your date, girlfriend, wife really wants you to pay attention to the movie. Before going to see the movie go online and do a quick google search. Find a site that shows the movies storyline, now read that storyline and remember as much as you can about it. Also check online for any of the movies trailers as this will help you get a clearer picture as to what the film is about. Why do all this work for a chick flick you ask.........well its simple really, it makes it look like you actually paid attention. Let's face it girls know us men are one track minded individuals who tune out whatever we don't like. (Its an ancient survival skill) And so by doing this it looks like you not only paid attention, but will earn you those coveted brownie points as well, making that all night zombie movie marathon a reality.

So there you are at the movie theater bored out of your skull from having to watch Pride and Prejudice, and you want to punch Mr. Darcy in the eye. (He's one of the main characters....I've had to see every version known to man.....help) Now let's say you don't have an Ipod for whatever reason, or that your imagine sucks to much to envision your very own happy place, what do you do? Well your going to have to look to your surroundings to find entertainment, relax there should be plenty of it around you. Remember you won't be the only guy stuck in the theater. Learn some basic sign language to communicate with your fellow suffering men, this will help in establishing the ground rules for one of many theater games you can play.

Popcorn catchThe rules are simple find another male who looks as trapped as you, this doesn't work for guys who are actually enjoying the movie by the way. Then select a large piece of buttered popcorn and throw it at the other guy. You get a point if you get it to land in his bag of popcorn, or you get a bonus point if it hits someone in the eye.

Straw Wars This game only works if the other trapped male is in the seat beside you. Simply take your straw from your giant glass of pop, and wield like a light saber to do battle. The goal is to fight as long as possible before being noticed by your girlfriend/spouse.

Battle Of The Belch Find a partner near you in the theater, then take a big slurp of pop and try to make the loudest burp you can. Once you burp as loud as you can count the number of people who's heads turned in your direction. This game is best out of 5 in a two player mode, but can also be played single player as well.

 I hope you find these tips useful the next time you find yourself trapped into having to watch a chick flick. Remember to always be creative and you to can survive the horrors of one of these movies.

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