Things Guys Should Never Do In A Relationship

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 Let's face it guys, we can do some pretty bone headed things. Sometimes we mean to, sometimes we don't, in either case we usually end up in the "dog house" with a sore head from being hit with the TV remote (By the way the TV remotes that Shaw gives you for it's cable are especially resilient to abuse) Guys if your new to the whole relationship or dating thing here are some things you need to know.

 Ah yes the question that all men fear. It dosen't matter if your girlfreind/ wife looks like Kylie Minogue or Roseanne Barr, they all ask this question. Now here is why this question is so dreaded by us male folk. First if we tell you the truth, let's say for example your girlfreind is a little on the heavier side and is starting to develop some "ghetto booty". Now you may be one of those guys whose into that sort of thing, hell that could be why your dating her to begin with, but telling her ass looks bad in those new jeans is guaranteed to get you in major trouble. Second if we lie and say "Honey you're ass looks amazing in those new jeans"  she'll not only know your lying to her (they can read our minds people) and feel ugly, but she's going to be even more pissed at you for not telling the truth.

So what do we do guys? Simple, smile and nod, maybe give her the thumbs up, or pretend to cough when she asks you. Answering by not answering is the best way to get through this question. If you have to speak, use long winded sentences like a politician that never really answer anything and hopefully causes her to ignore you.

 Often combat veteren's would stare off into space after a battle, this has to do with the stress of war. So what the hell is your excuse for starring off when she's talking to you. I speak from experience that this will piss her off faster then a fighter jet. This is compouned if your staring off into her clevage. I know it's hard you'd rather be watching re-runs of Miami VIce then hearing her go on, but it's essential that you at least pretend to listen. Here's what you do

Nod Random nodding will show interest in what she's saying

Uh-HuhSaying this a lot is a way of talking without speaking and give the impression that you're engaging in the conversation

Tilt your headLike dogs trying to understand what you're saying to them, tilt your head slightly left or right will show that you don't understand fully, but your concentrating very hard

Actually listen to her I know this one seems foolish, but trust me it works

 Now in all honesty we all (men and women) occasionally glance at another girl/guy who we find attractive. That's human nature folks can't help it, and frankly if you didn't I would wonder what the hell is wrong with you. That being said don't turn a quick glance, into a full blown zombie stare, complete with drool while mumbling "brains" This is a good way to get slapped in the face in a public place, unless you're into that kinda thing it's not fun.

No the "C" word is not candy, nor is it cucumber, combine, coin,calculator, or credits. NEVER EVER use this word in an argument, I don't care if she set your car on fire with her nail polish remover, calling her this word will not only land you in the "dog house" it'll probably get you punched in the face while she rips off your testicles. (You ladies can be such a violent bunch)

 Women are sensitive about their weight, fanatically sensitive! Telling her she's getting heavy is a great way to guarantee you're never going to get any action for the rest of your life. Like the butt question this is another one we men are afraid of, and you should be. Like the butt question telling the truth or lying will get you in the same amount of trouble. And putting a lock on the fridge door is not a wise idea, especially if you lose the key. You can try to convince her to get a gym membership and go with her. Just remember not to stare at the hot chick in spandex on the StairMaster.